


Even in the Darkest of Times

by deathofsanity



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Crossposted onto FF.net, Dean's POV, F/F, LGBT issues, M/M, major warnings for fluff and harry potter references, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 01:42:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9635177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathofsanity/pseuds/deathofsanity
Summary: Dean Winchester met the love of his life when he was sixteen years old: puking his guts out at a party he wasn't supposed to be at. Twenty years later, Dean owns a diner and Cas is a nurse, and they have everything they want, until they meet a young girl with a big heart and a bad home life. When her mom gets arrested for abuse, what can they do but adopt the girl and finally complete their family? “Happiness can always be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”





	1. And Then My Soul Saw You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work in progress. I meant to do it as a dcbb, but figured that if I just started posting, then I could get my butt in gear. I hope you like it!!!

_Prologue_

Dean Winchester met the love of his life when he was sixteen years old.

He'd snuck out of his mom's house to go to a party that he'd never get permission for in a million years. He tip-toed out of his bedroom and to the front door, crept across the porch, and rolled the late John Winchester's Chevy Impala to three blocks away before starting her up. It went smoothly. He made it to the party, had three beers in quick succession – his _first_ beers ever, he might add - and wound up puking up his guts in the bathroom not long after.

And then, as if the night couldn't get any worse, that was when Mary showed up. He heard her barge in the front door yelling his name and threatening to call the cops. Dean knew he was fucked – though in fact, he was a little grateful – and resigned himself being found, hunched over the toilet and shaking, and dragged home by his ear.

At least it would be over soon.

But, just as he was about to get it over with and call back, a boy with dark hair and shocking blue eyes snuck into the bathroom to hide. He wore a faded ACDC t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and had his hair spiked up in a way made Dean want to run his fingers through it.

The boy jumped a little upon seeing Dean. ‟Oh,″ he said. ‟Hey, uh... you okay?″

Dean could only shake his head miserably. Then he winced as Mary called out for him yet again.

The boy with the sex hair narrowed his eyes, and then smirked. ‟I'm guessing you're Dean Allen Winchester? Dude, your mom is _pissed_.″

Dean groaned. ‟I'm dead.″

The boy's eyes softened in compassion, but then lit up with determination. ‟Come on,″ he said, grabbing Dean's arm and pulling him up. He dragged him to the window – the second story window – and began to pry it open.

‟What are you crazy?″ Dean asked. ‟I should just let her catch me, and minimize the punishment as much as possible.″

‟Live a little, Winchester,″ he said, stopping with one leg out of the window and onto the roof overhanging the front porch. ‟You can't just wait on the ledge forever, sometimes you just have to jump.″ He then climbed the rest of the way out. When Dean wasn't forthcoming, he stuck his head back inside and held out a hand.

‟You are crazy,″ Dean stated.

The boy groaned in exasperation and lunged for Dean's hand, hauling him through the window. They crept to the edge of the overhang above the porch and climbed down the support pedestal, landing softly on the grass.

‟Did you drive?″ the boy whispered.

‟Yeah, the black Impala over there.″

‟Keys,″ he demanded, holding out his hand.

‟What?″

‟Keys!″

Dean fished them out of his pocket and handed them over. The boy retook Dean's hand and led him to the car, and they climbed in.

‟Wait!″ Dean exclaimed from the passenger seat, still a little in shock of what just happened. ‟I don't even know your name.″

‟Cas,″ he said, turning over the engine.

Mary must have been listening for the car, because not two seconds later she burst out the front door, Dean's snotty little brother Sam hot on her heels.

Cas gunned the engine forcefully, leaving his mother to scream herself hoarse in their wake. They barely heard it over their exhilarated laughter.

 

Now, Dean wouldn't lie and say that it was love at first sight. They had setbacks, they had fights. They broke up, and Dean moved hundreds of miles away. But time tells the best tales.

Years later, they were living in Cas' hometown. Dean owned a diner/market, and Cas was a nurse. They were finally happy. And they were just about due for a little more.

 

**Even in the Darkest of Times**

_Chapter One – And Then My Soul Saw You_

‟All I'm saying is,″ states Charlie Bradbury as she chops onions at the prep table, tears streaming down her face, ‟If you don't think Kirk and Spock were in love, then I don't think we can be friends anymore.″

Dean rolls his eyes and throws her a towel. ‟I can't take you seriously with your big onion-induced crocodile tears. And they were just friends. Weirdly close, co-dependent, platonic friends who weren't afraid to get into an extremely homoerotic tussle for Spock's honor in front of his entire family.″

‟Whatever, boss man,″ Charlie says. She wipes her face. ‟So, anyway. Speaking of wildly epic, inter-species, gay love that spans space time and alternate realities... you and Cas ever gonna get married. I mean, I know legalization in Oklahoma was pretty low key, but it happened, and I think it's about time you guys tied the knot.″

‟Inter-species?″

‟Yeah. He's really nice, and a nurse, so he likes to help people. And you, your hair's green, you're covered in tats and you're wearing eyeliner. You're practically the spawn of Satan himself.″

‟Yeah, don't let my mother hear you say that.″

Charlie lets out a guffaw and disappears into the kitchen. Dean turns as he hears the bell above the door chime. A young girl, pale skin, brunette hair, ten or eleven years old, walks in and goes immediately for the little box of books in the market side of Dean's Market and Grill, and she shuffles through them. The sign above the books says ‟Free Books – Donations Accepted.″ It was Cas' idea, and it actually works quite well. People would take a book home, and then either bring it back or bring some other books they didn't want anymore. Really, he has trouble keeping the number down.

Dean turns back to what he is doing and picks up a rag to start wiping down the counter top.

Charlie comes back out a minute later with a box of napkins and starts refilling the metal holders. ‟You know,″ she says, ‟Cas _is_ pretty dreamy. If I were a man, I would definitely be gay, and I would totally try to steal him from you.″

Dean raises an eyebrow at her.

She shrugs. ‟I said I'd try. I didn't say I'd succeed. For some reason he loves you more than the air he breathes. Personally, I don't get it.″

Dean smiles to himself.

‟So, anyway. What are your thoughts on Stucky?″

‟Charlie, you ignorant slut.″

And, of course, it is right then that Dean hears a small ‟Excuse me,″ from the other side of the counter. He looks down and sees the little girl. Charlie's eyes widen and she scurries away.

‟Oh, uh... sorry,″ he says, embarrassed. ‟You probably shouldn't have heard that.″

She just smiles and asks where the bathroom is. Dean points it out and she withdraws around the corner. When she comes back a moment later, she heads straight back to the table she had been sitting at, picks up a Goosebumps book, and disappears behind it.

It's not an atypical thing for a kid to do at his diner, but usually, they're with a parent, either shopping or eating. She isn't too young to be by herself, he supposes, and it's a hot day out, even for the middle of August. Maybe she came in to cool off from playing outside.

With that in mind, Dean fills up a tall glass with ice-water and walks it over. ‟Hey, kiddo,″ he says and sets it down. ‟Want a drink?″

She looks up and stares open-mouthed for a second, but then she says, ‟Oh. No. I'm fine.″

‟Hey, no worries. Water's free.″ Dean sits down on the opposite side of the table. ‟What are you reading there?″

She shows him the cover without saying anything. She's only a few pages in.

Dean smiles at her. ‟'The Haunted School.' I love that one.″ He watches as she takes a drink. ‟One of the better ones if you ask me.″

‟Yeah, I know. I've read it before.″

‟Have you?″

‟Um-hm. At the library.″

‟Cool.″ Dean notices her looking at his spiked hair. ‟So, do you read a lot?″ She nods. ‟What other books have you read?″

She shrugs. ‟I don't know?″

‟What about Harry Potter?″

She nods.

‟Lord of the Rings?″ She shakes her head no. Dean covers his heart with his hands like he's been hurt. ‟Never? Dude, don't tell Charlie that,″ he says and points to where Charlie is waiting tables. ‟She'll lose her mind. Biggest Tolkien nerd I've ever met in my life.″

The girl gives a small chuckle.

‟I'm Dean, by the way,″ he introduces himself, holding out a hand for a handshake.

‟Shauna,″ the girl says, tentatively reciprocating the gesture. ‟I like your hair,″ Shauna says, pointing as she takes her hand back. ‟And your tattoos.″

Dean grins wide. ‟Well, thank you, Darlin'. Like what you've got going on there yourself. Very... hippie chic.″

Shauna's face blossoms red, and she touches the ends of her hair. ‟Thanks. My mom doesn't like me to cut it. But if I could, I'd do it like yours.″

‟Hmm,″ he said, nodding thoughtfully. ‟Maybe you could pull it off. But I don't think green's quite your color.″ He reaches over and grabs some of her brown hair, holding it straight above her head in a two-foot monster mowhawk. ‟Bright red would be pretty badass though.″

She giggles, and pulls her hair back down around her shoulders.

‟Hey, Winchester!″ Charlie calls from the kitchen. ‟Quit skiving off and get your butt in here. We need help with the orders.″

‟Yes, ma'am,″ he calls back. He looks back to Shauna. ‟She's a scary one. Best not get on her bad side.″

‟I thought you were the owner.″

‟Well, yeah,″ he says, with a wave of his hand. ‟But if I didn't let her boss me around sometimes, then nothing would ever get done.″

‟I see.″

‟Do you now?″ he says, laughing as he stands up. ‟Well, it was fun chattin' with you, kiddo. Enjoy your book.″

‟Bye,″ she says as he walks away. He turns back to see her nose buried in the book.

 

It's nearly an hour later that the rush dies down and Dean is able to look for the girl again. But he is disappointed when he looks over to see the table vacated, with only the empty glass and the book on the surface. He goes over and reaches for the glass to take back to the sink when a set of strong arms grab Dean from behind and spin him around.

Cas pushes Dean back roughly, forcing him to sit on the table top. Right there in front of God and everybody, he closes in between Dean's legs, invading his personal space without apology. Then Cas leans in, bringing their mouths together and ravishing Dean within and inch of his life, running his fingers up Dean's neck and through his hair. And, oh god, Dean can feel his entire body start to tingle all the way down to his toes.

It is only once Dean is on the verge of collapse for lack of air, that Cas finally pulls back with a smirk, and then he just walks away toward the kitchen like nothing happened, greeting Charlie as he passes.

Dean sits stunned for a moment, blinking rapidly, until Charlie sidles over to him and smacks him on the shoulder. ‟Hey, snap out of it, buddy. And fix your sex hair before it scares away the customers.″

 

 

 

 

And then my

soul saw you

and

kind of went

“oh, there you are.

I've been looking

for you.”

 


	2. Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

_Prologue Part 2_

Dean's first Christmas spent with the Miltons was one for the books. He was seventeen going on eighteen, a senior in high school, and was seriously contemplating what to do after he graduated. Or attempting to anyway. The Miltons were no longer married, hadn't been for nearly a decade – in fact, Ms. Milton was no longer Ms. Milton anymore, but rather Mrs. Novak. Cas also had three sisters – Anna, his twin Hannah, and Rachel.

Cas still hadn't come out to his parents – Dean didn't blame him, for divorcee's, they sure believed in the sanctity of marriage and believed wholeheartedly that – divorced or not – the gays were ruining it for everybody.

They were at Cas' mom's house; he had invited Dean on the premise of them being best friends, even though they'd been dating for months. Dean's family knew, as did Cas' siblings, but Cas was still adamant that his parents know and accept Dean as Cas' boyfriend.

‟So, Dad,″ Cas began sitting at the dinner table, clutching tightly at Dean's hand out of sight. ‟Uh..."

But Mr. Novak interrupted him with, "Castiel tells me you play guitar, Dean. You any good?"

He wasn't, but he answered, "Yes," just for spite.. He knew Cas hated calling Mr. Novak dad, but him mom insisted. It was 'Dad' for Cas and 'Daddy' for his sisters. It was messed up and sexist and Dean hated them for it. Rachel caught his eye from across the table and smirked. She knew what was coming.

The table quieted while Cas looked down, working up nerve. The girls were all three staring at the two of them, but the parents looked only at each other, trying to come up with something to talk about that wasn't the butter-thick tension in the room.

"Dear," Mr. Novak said, spearing a potato with his fork, "these really turned out lovely."

"Dad, Mom, I have something to –"

Mrs. Novak spoke over him, "Thank you, honey, I -"

But she never finished, because Cas suddenly stood up, knocking his chair backward with a resounding clatter. He still held tightly to Dean's hand, now out in the open for everyone to see. "I'm gay," he exclaimed. "Dean's gay, and we're boyfriends. And I - " he faltered, and in the sudden silence, he gazed down at Dean's widened eyes. "I love you."

Vaguely, Dean was aware of the sudden explosion of sound that was Cas's parents shouting at him, and his sister's applauding and whooping with joy. But none of it mattered as he mouthed "I love you, too." He stood up and kissed Cas full on the mouth amidst the cacophony.

They, and the girls all go running out of the house and tumble happily into the Impala to go back to Dean's.

 

Cas's real dad passed a few years after that from a heart attack, right around the time Hael Novak, the surprise little sister was brought into the world.

Dean would like to say that she would be raised in a better, happier home, but the gay announcement only exacerbated things, even to the point that as soon as Cas turned eighteen, he moved into Mary's house where he was accepted into loving arms. And rest of their senior year had been the happiest they'd ever had.

 

 

**Even in the Darkest of Times**

_Chapter Two – Not All Those Who Wander are Lost_

Dean wakes the next morning, warm and comfortable, to the feeling of something shifting next to him. He doesn't move for a moment, relishing at the soft skin brushing up against his own in the warm morning light. A hand runs lightly up his chest, swirling around in the hair there before coming up to his face and brushing his cheekbone.

He opens his eyes to find Cas' deep blues mere inches from his own. ‟We've talked about this, Cas. Personal space.″

Cas just smiles and leans in, kissing Dean with the familiarity of years of practice. Dean wraps his arms around him, pulling him closer under the blankets, willing the moment to never end. Their tongues spar lazily with each other for a few minutes, but eventually Cas has to get ready for work.

Dean lies in bed, body relaxed and eyes drooping as he listens to the shower running in the next room. Twenty minutes later, Cas emerges from the steam, fully dressed in scrubs, the top of which is covered in gaudy blue and orange tulips against a pink backdrop. Cas works at a family clinic in town, and therefore keeps regular hours compared to Dean. Nine to five, Monday through Friday, and off most major holidays. Dean tries to stay away from the diner on weekends, but in the event that he has no choice, Cas usually tags along to help.

Dean smiles at Cas. ‟You're so cute, babe,″ he says.

‟I know,″ Cas replies, and kisses Dean again, smoothing down his bedhead, before heading out. ‟Have a good morning.″

Dean listens to Cas grab something from the kitchen for breakfast, and then get into his quiet, little, energy efficient Chevy and drive away. Dean slowly drifts back to sleep.

 

The after-school lull is upon the diner, and Dean has taken upon himself the task to train the new kid on the finer points of customer service.

‟I'm in advanced placement,″ says Kevin Tran, the new after school part-timer, heavy on the attitude. ‟I know how to count money back.″

‟Don't back sass me,″ Dean says. He slaps the counter from the other side of the register. ‟Put your money where your mouth is and prove it. Now, on a total of $3.85, I give you a twenty. Count it back.″

Kevin rolls his eyes and huffs out a breath. ‟Fine. ‟ He opens the register and takes out the money. ‟Change makes four, five, ten, and twenty.″

‟Good job,″ Dean says and hands back the money. ‟Now, how are you on taking food orders.″

He shrugs petulantly.

Dean rolls his eyes and yells out, ‟Charlie.″

They are answered by a loud bang! coming from the cooler. Charlie emerges several moments later laden with boxes of cereal. ‟What?″ she demands, making her way over the grocery and putting them in their place.

Dean points at Kevin. ‟The newbie needs to learn how to take customer's orders. Train him.″

She narrows her eyes, dangerously at the 17-year-old. He gulps in response. ‟Okay,″ she says walking up to the counter. ‟I'll have - ‟ she looks at him pointedly. ‟Aren't you going to write this down?″

He fumbles for his notepad and pen, and Charlie starts before he even has them in hand.

‟I'll have a cheeseburger, no lettuce, no onions, oh, and make it a turkey burger, I'm trying to slim down. I'll also have a small chocolate milkshake with extra whip cream and a two cherries, and put two straws in it so I can share it with Scarlet Johansen wearing a Princess Leah bikini.″

Dean bites back a laugh as Kevin quickly writes down everything Charlie says to the letter, mumbling to himself the order, but Dean snorts when he gets to the end and looks up in confusion. 'What?″ he asks.

Charlie raises her eyebrows. ‟You heard me.″

‟Are you, uh, gay?″

Charlie just grins a big, mad grin, and leans in close with a serious expression on her face, ‟Oh, sweetie. We're all gay here.″

Dean laughs. ‟Nice Alice ref,″ he says and they high-five. ‟Don't get those very often.″

Kevin looks to Dean, questioningly. Dean nods and shrugs in the affirmative. ‟Yep, me too. You'll probably meet my boyfriend Cas when he gets off work here in about an hour.″

Then Kevin looks around to make sure he won't be overheard. ‟Is Matt gay?″ he asks.

‟No,″ calls the cook from the kitchen, ‟Matt is _not_ gay.″

‟No, Matt isn't gay,″ Charlie repeats. ‟But we're pretty sure he's ace.″

‟Not ace either,″ he says. ‟I have a girlfriend.″

‟Then how come we've never met her?″ asks Dean.

Matt comes out of the kitchen in his dirty apron, his dark hair ruffled with sweat, waving a spatula. ‟Just because we're not freakishly co-dependent like you and Castiel doesn't mean Amy's not real.″

‟Whatever you say, chief,″ says Charlie throwing out a little salute.

Matt mimes flinging hamburger grease from the spatula at her, and then vanishes back into the kitchen.

‟Take a jacket,″ Charlie calls out to his retreating back. ‟I hear Narnia's cold this time of year!″

‟He's totally ace,″ Dean whispers to Kevin.

‟I heard that,″ Matt calls once more.

‟And he has _amazing_ hearing.″

 

Cas shows up and hour later, as predicted, as Dean is working in the kitchen while Matt is on break. He gives Dean a 'hello, Dean' and a quick peck on the lips, and then grabs a spatula to flip a burger.

‟How was work?″ Dean asks, dropping a basket of fries in bubbling oil.

Cas shrugs, ‟The usual. Panicked parents, old people. That new doctor just came over from emergency medicine, so she's still kind of a dick.″

‟You put her in her place?″ Dean smirked.

‟Sherrie did. Apparently she'd missed breakfast this morning. It wasn't pretty.″

Dean nods. ‟Always knew I liked Sherrie.″

‟So, what about you?″ Cas asks. ‟See you hired someone.″

‟Yeah, that's Kevin. He's in advanced placement. Charlie likes him.″

‟He any good?″

‟Surprisingly, yeah. For his first job.″

They work together for another few minutes until Matt comes back, and then they go out to the counter. Cas sits down while Dean begins wiping it down. Cas watches Kevin for a minute where he is stocking shelves, and then reaches behind the cash register for the Goosebumps book Dean had hidden there.

‟What's this for?″

‟Oh,″ says Dean, tossing the rag into the sink to be washed. ‟I'm holding that for a little girl who was in here yesterday. I don't think she finished it, and I don't want someone else to take it.″

Cas ponders it for a moment, and then shrugs his shoulders and puts it back.

Shauna doesn't come in for the rest of the night.

 

That weekend, Dean and Cas are at the mall, shopping for a new pair of work shoes for Cas, when he inquires about the book again.

‟No,″ he replies. ‟She hasn't come back yet.″ He shrugged. ‟Maybe she won't come back at all, but I'll hold it anyway. And Charlie and Kevin both know what she looks like if she does.″

Cas nods, picking up a pair of shoes and taking them to the stool to try them on. Dean follows him and sits down as well. Cas is just getting his own shoes off when Dean says, ‟So, uh, I've been thinking.″

‟Never a good sign,″ he quips without batting an eye.

‟Shut up, Cas,″ Dean says rolling his eyes. He straightens his back and soldiers on. ‟Anyway. You know same-sex marriage has been legal in Oklahoma for almost a year now – ‟

‟Dean – ‟

‟Yeah yeah, I know. Neither of us grew up with great examples of marriage, but that doesn't mean it has to be completely off the table. Look at Sam and Jess.″ Sam is a junior partner in a law firm in California, and Jess is a sergeant in the Sacramento Police Force. They've been happily married for three years. Cas can do little but grudgingly accept his point.

‟Come on, man. We've been together forever.″ Cas ties up the new shoes, but does not break eye contact with Dean. ‟I mean,″ Dean continues. ‟I _know_ it's just a piece of paper, and we'll be able to file our taxes together, and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with you anyway, but...″

‟But you want something recognized as legitimate,″ Cas states.

Dean shrugs. ‟'Boyfriend' just sounds so cheap. I'd much rather call you my husband.″

The corner of Cas' mouth lifts up, but he bites it back. ‟I'll think about it,″ he says.

Dean's eyebrows shoot up. ‟Really?″

‟Really.″

They spend the rest of their Saturday in pleasant comfort.

 

It's a week later, that Shauna finally shows back up at the diner. Dean is working at the market register and sees her immediately when she walks in. He quickly finishes with the customer he's ringing up, and calls out to her from where she is looking in the books. ‟Hey! Uh, Shauna right?″ he says, even though he hasn't really forgotten. She looks up and approaches the counter. ‟I saved that book for you.″ He reaches behind the register and brandishes it out to her, and she takes it with a quiet "thanks."

‟You know you can take it with you right? They're free.″

‟Yeah, I know,″ she replies. ‟But my mom doesn't want me reading scary stuff.″

‟What? Goosebumps isn't scary. Er...not _that_ scary, anyway.″

‟I know. But she's stubborn like that. You should've seen her face when I asked for a Stephen King book at Wal-Mart a couple months ago.″

Dean barks out a laugh. ‟Yeah, well. King might be a bit much for a ten year old.″

‟I'm eleven!″ she chimes.

‟Oh,″ he holds up his hands in surrender. ‟Of course. My bad.″ And he winks at her. ‟So, do you want anything to eat?″

Her eyes widen momentarily. ‟Uh, I don't have any money.″

Dean waves a hand, dismissively. ‟On the house for a horror fan like you. I recognize a kindred spirit when I see one.″ She still looks uncertain, so Dean adds, ‟Tell you what, I'm thinking of adding something to the menu. You can taste test it for me, tell me if it's good.″

She nods, still hesitant, and goes to sit at one of the stools with the book while Dean goes into the kitchen. Minutes later, he reappears, with his new Sweet Pepper Burger on a plate with a pile of fries on the side, and he sets it in front of her, saying, ‟You're doing me a favor really. Cas always tells me everything tastes delicious even when it doesn't.″

‟Who's Cas?″ she asks.

Dean blinks, suddenly a little worried that Shauna might not like that he's with a man. Who knows what her parents think, and kids are impressionable. He decides to give her the benefit of the doubt, and says hesitantly, ‟My boyfriend.″

She doesn't react harshly. In fact, she barely reacts at all, giving only a slight shrug. ‟That's nice of him,″ she says, picking up the burger and taking a bite.

‟He thinks it's nice,″ he says, relieved, ‟but it's not really helpful if he won't tell me when something's awful.″

She chews slowly and swallows. He raises his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for her decision. She nods her head semi-approvingly, and makes a so-so gesture with her hand.

‟You hate it,″ he says.

‟It's not awful. But it could use some work.″

He narrows his eyes at the little connoisseur. ‟Like what?'

She takes another bite, and says, mouth full, ‟Too much cinnamon.″ She chews some more. ‟Actually, cut the cinnamon.″

Dean stands scratching his chin as she continues eating, but looks up when he hears the bell above the door. Cas is there in bumblebee scrubs, sweating from the heat, the harsh sunlight streaming through his hair. But when he sees Dean, he smiles like none of that matters.

‟Hey, Cas,″ he says softly, and Shauna turns around, with a french fry still in her hand, mid-dip into the ketchup. Dean points at her and says, ‟This is Shauna.″

Cas looks down, mildly confused, unsure if he should know Shauna, but then he spots the book and says to her, ‟You're the girl who's never read Lord of the Rings.″

Shauna turns beet red, and looks back to her food. Cas looks worried for a moment, but Dean nods in encouragement. ‟Hey,″ Cas says, ‟Can I tell you a secret?″

Shauna looks up and nods.

‟Neither have I.″

Dean looks at him in shock, like he was just seeing his boyfriend for the first time. ‟What?″

Cas just shrugs, while Shauna giggles. ‟I've only seen the movies.″

‟Our relationship is built on lies,″ Dean says, over-dramatically, and storms off into the kitchen. ‟Wait 'til I tell Charlie.″

Cas yells out to his retreating back, ‟I'll have a cheeseburger while you're back there.″

‟A cheeseburger of lies!″

‟No lettuce, please!″

When he comes back a few minutes later, Cas has gotten Shauna and himself some sodas from the fountain, and they are laughing hysterically. He walks up to them and places the food in front of Cas. They both look at him, and only laugh harder. Dean raises an eyebrow. ‟Something I did?″

Shauna continues to giggle, but Cas manages a straight face. ‟Just telling her how we met. And how you cried when you thought your mom was going to ground you until graduation. Not to mention all the puke there was once the adrenaline had died down.″ Shauna laughs harder.

Dean shakes his head. ‟You guys suck,″ he says, but has to fight to keep back a smile.

Cas reaches across the counter and pulls Dean over for a kiss on the lips, and after that, Dean laughs with them.

 

 

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not whither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken:

The crownless again shall be king.

 

 

 

 

AN: I have not read The Lord of the Rings. I tried to in high school but I got distracted and never finished the first book. I did, however, read Harry Potter so many times that I lost count somewhere around 30 times. Per book. This is why the story title is from Harry Potter and just the chapter title is from Lord of the Rings.

 


	3. Though My Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah... I totally messed up and posted Chapter 3 when it should have been 2. My bad. So, here it is corrected. And also, for your reading pleasure, I will post Chapter 4 tonight as well.

 

 

Cas had gone to college and Dean didn't. That was the beginning of the end of their relationship. He took the first job he could find in his hometown as a mechanic while Cas moved a hundred miles away to become a nurse. It worked for a while, but as things tended to go, the distance began wearing at the seams of their relationship. Dean couldn't talk to Cas like he used to about everyday events, didn't understand half of what Cas spoke of most of the time because 'you weren't there', and 'you wouldn't understand.' They weren't together anymore, so being _together_ didn't seem right.

So Dean left. He moved away with a friend, 622 miles away from the place that he grew up, and got a job in Austin, Texa.

Dean could say that he broke it off with Cas so he could live his life; get a college boyfriend and move on from the silly romance of his youth like everybody else does. He could say he left because he didn't want to hold Cas back. He could say it was for Cas until his lips chapped.

But it wouldn't be true.

Dean left Cas because he was a selfish bastard and he didn't want to go through life knowing that he let the best thing in his life slip through his fingers. He _knew_ from the beginning that it wouldn't last. First loves never last.

And so here he was.

Dean shivered on the park bench, though it wasn't too cold out that night, and curled tighter into himself. The moonlight towers of Austin cast a daylight glow over the city, never allowing for full darkness. Dean missed that part, in particular. It had been nearly seven months since he'd last seen the stars. Driving down old Oklahoma two-lane roads in the middle of the night. Dean missed the Impala too, but knew she was safe with Sam in Oklahoma – him having handed her over with a few not-so-subtle death threats when Sam turned sixteen, just before he left town.

But above the stars, above the Impala, and even above Sam... Dean missed Cas the most.

Dean leaving Cas, he knew now, had been the worst mistake of his life. Nothing good had ever come from them being apart – Dean's homelessness, whilst stranded in Texas, by far, had been the worst. And the reason Dean left – because Cas had moved off to college without him... maybe if he'd gone with him... but it was too late to think about that. Jealousy and loneliness – and the beginnings of alcoholism – won out and Dean gave up on the love of his life. He just managed to fall asleep.

 

/

**Even in the Darkest of Times**

_Chapter Three – Though My Soul_

And so every few days for the next month, Shauna St. Clair (as they would later learn) comes by after school. She stops in to read and Dean shoves food on her, not because he's worried or anything, but surely it isn't normal for a young girl to be without her parents so much. Is she getting fed at home? Does she want to go home? He keeps insisting that the food he gives her is for taste-testing, but though everyone knows what's really going on, no one mentions it. She's a sweet girl, and everybody enjoys her company so much – even with all the incessant questions, and random facts she learns at school. Charlie even openly encourages it, asking what she learned that day like a ritual.

As much as Dean likes having her around, before long, he cannot hold back his curiosity. ‟So,″ he says, going for subtle, as the two of them are munching on a basket of fries. ‟How do you usually get here anyway? Do your parents drop you off?″

Shauna goes a bit quiet, and after a moment's hesitation, musters up a 'no'.

Dean keeps his smile like it's no big deal, like he's only curious. ‟Well, the bus then?″

She shakes her head. ‟No. I walk. I live close.″

Dean nods, and asks, ‟Yeah, but they know you're here, right?″

‟Well, it's just my mom, and no, she doesn't know _where_ I am... specifically.... Just that I'm somewhere. As long as I'm home before too late, she doesn't really care.″

Dean knows that there's so much more she isn't saying, he sees it written all over her face, but he doesn't push. Instead, he says, ‟Well, you're always welcome here. Like, whenever. And uh.. if you ever wanna talk... well, I'm here. And Cas, and Charlie. And Matt, of course, but let's leave him as a last resort for now.″

‟I heard that.″ A used napkin smacks Dean square in the face, even though he's pretty sure he didn't see Matt come out of the kitchen.

Shauna brightens up considerably after that.

 

And, from then on, Shauna comes by every day after school. She brings her homework and does it at the counter while Dean and Charlie pile her with treats, and Kevin helps her with her math and reading. Dean has to stop Kevin from being swindled into to doing it for her more that once.

And one day, claiming boredom, she says she tired of watching everybody work, and offers to help Charlie stock the grocery section. After a few minutes heated debate about the merits of child labor, Dean relents and allows her to assist. He even shows her how to cook a few things. And before long long, she's basically just as much a fixture in the diner as anyone else.

Shauna sits currently, finishing a spelling assignment, at the table by the door. She has her hands over her ears, a look of consternation on her face as she attempts to concentrate over the sound of the customers. Dean grins slightly as he goes over the diner's checkbook. He snags a pencil out of his mohawk and adds up the total revenue from last month and starts subtracting bills, when he and everybody else present jump at the unmistakable sound of glass shattering.

Dean looks up at the patrons to see a wiry little guy in a Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt and a worn trucker cap stand angrily and begin shouting profanities at another similarly dressed gentleman at his table.

‟Shit,″ Dean whispers just as the other man jumps up and starts throwing punches. Dean and Matt, who'd stuck his head out at the commotion, race over and pull the two apart.

‟The hell!?″ Dean shouts, to dead silence as both parties stand either side of him, staring furiously at each other and looking very much like they'd like to continue. ‟Hey,″ he shouts again when then continue to ignore him. ‟Grow up. If you're gonna fight, take it the hell away from here.″

The second guy relents first, snatching up his wallet and throwing down a ten dollar bill. He leaves quietly, jumps into his monster of a truck and guns it out of there. The other one follows suit, much angrier, and storms out of the diner, slamming the door in his wake. Dean stands, quietly quaking in fury before Matt nudges him with his elbow, bringing Dean's attention back to the rest of the occupants of the diner openly staring at him.

He takes a deep breath and tries on a smile. ‟Sorry, folks. Uh... I'll be... over there if anyone needs anything.″ And he scurries back to the other side of the building... only to find a tear-streaked Shauna clinging to Charlie's apron behind the safety of the cash register. ‟Dammit,″ Dean mutters, trying his hardest to force the tension out of his body. ‟Didn't mean to scare you, baby,″ he says to Shauna.

It's only a momentary hesitation before she let's go of a worry-stricken Charlie and bolts into his arms, squeezing him tightly around the middle. Charlie gives him a look of deep concern, and Dean can't say he disagrees that Shauna's overly-drastic reaction to a fight must stem from somewhere.

She clings on long enough that Charlie heads off to check on the customers, and it's then that Dean realizes it's the first hug he's ever gotten from the girl in their entire acquaintance. He realizes that this will not do and pries her off with a quiet "hey." Shauna steps back and Dean kneels down on his knee in front of her. ‟It's okay,″ he says wiping tears away from her eyes with his thumb. ‟I'm okay. You're okay. We're all okay.″

Shauna sniffles, and then nods shyly. ‟Okay.″

Dean smiles and opens his arms, and this time the hug is worthy of being called their first.

When Cas shows up later in his stupid puppy dog scrubs, it's to a tension-filled workspace. It has gotten super-ridiculously busy with customers and burned orders and not one, but two irate diners who wanted their meals free because of the fight. Dean is getting a major headache, and Charlie is heading for melt-down. Cas takes quick stock from where he's stopped by the door, and then looks over to the book section. His face fills with concern.

Dean had sent Shauna off to her table with a book and a glass of root beer, but she still seems jumpy. He watches as Cas walks over and sits beside her. They talk for a moment, presumably Cas asking what happened, and then he puts an arm around her shoulders. Shauna leans into him and Dean suddenly feels quite lucky that he is with someone who can make other people feel better so easily.

Cas looks over and lifts up a corner of his mouth, a small gesture to anyone else, but to Dean, it's a thousand sunrises and all the joy and comfort that goes along with them and suddenly he feels the stress melt away. He smiles back and returns to work.

 

Dean and Cas walk along the lit up path, hands clasped together. They are in a park in Dean's hometown, merely a twenty minute drive, and it is late October. It's also date night and Cas has taken him out for one hell of an evening. They'd gone to dinner, with candles and violins, and people gawking at Dean's hair; Cas and Dean laughed at their prejudice and made out right there in the corner of the restaurant. They'd gone to see a local band play at the park and when that was over, decided to take a walk around to look at the beginnings of the lights festival that would begin in earnest in November.

Dean is having trouble keeping the smile off his face, and from what he can see, so is Cas. They try to get out as often as possible on the weekends, but something about tonight feels different. He's just so fucking happy, and he can't believe that they are finally here, where everything is playing out perfectly and he is with someone he loves so much. Someone he'd go to the ends of the earth for and further if he had to.

They stop next to a little wooded path, lit only by the stars and stand looking up to the heavens.

‟Wanna hear something weird?″ Dean asks.

Cas just raises a silent eyebrow in question, a contented look on his face. He's in his old ripped up jeans with the bloodstain below the knee that neither of them can remember the source of, and one of Dean's Led Zeppelin t-shirts. It all suits him so well, that Dean has trouble looking away. But he does. ‟All that,″ he says and he points at the sky and the twinkling stars, ‟out there. Everything we can see, isn't even a fraction of what's really out there.″ Cas lays his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean continues, ‟There's so much out there that the human mind can't even comprehend it, and there's no way in hell there isn't life abundant in the universe. But then... then I think of you and how lucky I am to have one life that we can spend together, and I don't even give a shit about the rest of the universe.″

He turns to face Cas and sees that his eyes are watering. Dean doesn't have to do anything, Cas just surges forward and presses their lips together desperately. Dean reciprocates in earnest and before long they are left breathless. Cas pulls back, arms still wrapped around his waist, and smiles like he's just seen the sun come out. Then he steps back and, to Dean's utter shock, drops to one knee in the grass.

‟Cas?″ Dean chokes out.

Cas just grins and looks off to the side, down the path and Dean watches as a multitude of people emerge. He recognizes them immediately. His mom, smiling like an idiot, Sam and Jess, Charlie, and Hannah and Hael all come out of the darkness.

Unable to speak, Dean turns back to Cas, who stares up at him with such love that Dean has a momentary lapse of conscious thought. He stares back helplessly as he watches Cas dig into his jeans pocket and extract a small ring box. Dean's brain immediately begins trying to snap to so that Dean can focus and not make himself look like a damn fool by dissolving into a teary mess in front of his family.

Taking a breath, Dean zeroes in on Cas' face, and immediately calms. Cas smiles and seems to go through the exact same mental exercise. ‟Dean,″ he says.

‟Yes?″ Dean replies.

‟The first time I saw you, crying on the bathroom floor – ‟ Dean rolls his eyes, ‟ – I knew that I would do anything for you. Up to and including rescuing you from your mother's wrath.″

Mary snorts behind him.

Dean shakes his head, eyes threatening dire consequences for Cas' words. Cas just smirks and continues.

‟I loved you then and I love you know. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.″ He pauses to take a breath. Dean feels as if he is about to explode. ‟Will you please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?″

Dean feels the collective intake of breath behind him, even though it's stupid to think he's going to say anything but yes. He cracks a smile and says, ‟Of course.″ He kneels down as well, landing in Cas' arms, and now they're both on the ground which is probably weird, but Dean doesn't care.

Cas' arms wrap around Dean as Dean buries his face in his lover's neck. ‟I love you,″ he whispers, and hears a deep rumble of a laugh in Cas' chest.

After a moment, Dean becomes aware of a small bit of clapping, and even a few hoots and hollers from who can only be Sam. Cas pulls back and takes Dean's hand, sliding the simple silver band up his ring finger, and Dean responds by pressing their lips together in a breathless tangle of joy. Dean releases Cas' with a quick peck on the lips and he stands them both up. Before he can comprehend what's happening, him and Cas are tackled by Cas' baby sister Hael. She jumps on both of them, arms around their necks, and squealing her happiness at them in an incomprehensible babble.

Dean hugs the 16 year old back and then disentangles himself from them both and strides up to his gigantic brother. Sam wraps him up and places a sloppy kiss on his temple which, gross, but he's holding Dean too tightly for Dean to swat him away. Eventually Jess pries them apart to get her own hug in, and then Mary steps into his line of sight. Jess releases him and steps away.

Before she does anything, she looks at him pointedly and says, ‟It's about damn time.″ Dean laughs and picks her up off her feet.

Once all the hugging is over with, they all go back to Mary's house for burgers, and decide to go ahead and have an engagement party the next day, after hours at the diner.

When Dean tells Shauna that next afternoon when she got off the bus from school, she screeches like a pterodactyl and knocks over a couple salt and pepper shakers in her lunge to hug him.

‟Oh my god! Really?″ she gushes as Charlie snaps a photo on her phone. ‟You guys are so perfect for each other.″

‟Thanks, kiddo,″ he says, sounding a bit strangled with her arms around his neck.

It's a similar scene when Cas enters the diner in his pink duckie scrubs. Shauna almost knocks him over with her enthusiasm, and forces them both to rewatch the video Charlie took of the proposal for the third time.

She's a bit upset that she won't be attending the party that night, but Dean promises to save her a piece of cake.

‟And lots of pics,″ she demands. Dean responds with a nod, cracking another grin.

Sam and Jess stop by that evening right as Dean is ushering Shauna out the door to go home. She's even more reluctant tonight than usual, and she whines loudly when he hands her her bag. But then Dean sees his brother's prissy new car pull into his lot, and he deigns to let her stay a few more minutes to meet the couple.

They get out and walk over to the curb where Dean and Shauna are standing, and Dean hugs both in turn before placing a hand on Shauna's shoulder and introducing her.

Sam seems surprised by the familiarity with which he treats the girl, but then his eyes spark with recognition from when Dean mentioned her once over the phone. ‟Hey there, Shauna,″ Sam says .

She nods and hikes her backpack up higher on her shoulders, and holds out a hand. ‟Nice to meet you, Sam,″ she says politely, and Dean beams with pride as she does it just like he taught her.

‟You too,″ says Sam, eying Dean curiously.

Shauna says hi to Jess as well, and then Dean shoves her lightly away from the diner with an order of ‟Home,″ and watches until she's out of his sight.

Sam and Jess are both staring at him when he turns around.

‟What?″ he asks, confused.

Jess raises an eyebrow to match her husband's. ‟When you told us there was a girl who came in a lot, you never mentioned _this,_ ″ she says, gesturing to where Shauna disappeared out down the street.

‟ _This_?″ Dean says inquisitively, mimicking the gesture. ‟What do you mean, _this_?″

Sam says, ‟Well, you're just a bit closer than you let on over the phone.″

‟What? No, we're not,″ Dean argues, not sure why he should be defensive about it. ‟She just... she needs somebody to look after her. And her mom's not really up to it.″

Sam just narrows his eyes, like he's unsure of what to say.

‟What?″

Sam shrugs. ‟Nothing. Never mind. I'm glad she has you and Cas. Just...″

‟What?″

‟Just... nothing.″ And he refuses to say any more.

 

The party is nothing more than just another dinner with the family. But Dean can't stop just looking at Cas and smiling, and Cas is doing the exact same thing, like neither one of them can quite believe that this is happening.

‟I love you,″ Dean whispers into Cas' ear, snuggled up to him at a table, watching Charlie teach Hael how to two-step.

Cas snakes a hand up Dean's chest to his cheek and kisses him, and Dean can feel his smile on his lips. When he's done, he leans back and looks Dean in the eyes. Hands still on either side of Dean's face, he smirks and says, ‟I know.″

‟Asshole.″

 

 

 

 

 

Though my soul may set in darkness

It will rise in perfect light

I have loved the stars too fondly

To be fearful of the night

 

 

 

 

 


	4. As If It Were Your Last

First loves never last.

Except when they do.

Dean did well for himself in Texas after the whole homeless thing. A kind old woman who owned a cafe gave Dean a chance and gave him a job – and even her spare bedroom until he got on his feet. Dean did not disappoint. He showed up early and left late, and he got a small place in the city. He saved every spare penny he earned and nearly five years after he though he'd left for good, he found himself back in Oklahoma, driving up Main Street of his home town. He was going home.

He'd called ahead. Mary was ecstatic about seeing him again and told him that Sam had promised to be there when he arrived. And he was. He practically jumped into Dean's arms when Dean pulled up in an old garbage heap of a car.

‟Jesus Christ, Sammy!″ Dean said under the weight of his moose of a brother, but hugged him back just a fiercely.

‟I missed you, Dean,″ Sam said, face buried in his shoulder, and Dean felt the hot roll of tears.

Dean closed his eyes and gave one final squeeze before Mary pried him off and got her own hug in. It was shorter than Sam's, but it was accompanied by a big gross mom kiss and a hair ruffle. ‟I'm glad you're back, kiddo.″

Then, unexpectedly, his mother and brother separated, and Dean caught sight of the front door of the house wide open, and a familiar figure leaning against the doorjamb. Dean only gaped, unsure if his eyes were telling the truth. His mouth dropped open as he looked Cas over, noting the torn up jeans and white t-shirt and just how much he'd missed that sight.

‟Cas,″ he breathed, voice breaking only slightly.

The answering smile was blinding. ‟Hello, Dean.″

And Dean found himself running toward Castiel, ignoring the snort of amusement from his brother as he launched himself into his arms.

Cas held him close and Dean relished in the contact, neither letting go for an uncomfortably long amount of time. After a moment, Cas whispered in his ear. ‟I need you, Dean. Please take me back.″

Dean replied with a kiss.

 

**Even in the Darkest of Times**

_Chapter Four – As if it Were Your Last_

Shauna spends the next week going nuts about the wedding details, showing them pictures of her favorite kinds of flowers on Charlie's laptop and telling them the perfect colors for the wedding. Blue and green. Dean rolls eyes and says 'thanks, Captain Obvious.″ To which she replies, "I'm right and you know it." They are forced to concede her point. They aren't actually planning anything yet, nor have they set a date, but the girl is persistent on helping anyway.

Then November arrives with a flourish, the gusting winds coming in the door of the diner getting colder by the day. Business dies down a bit now that classes are back in full swing, the students from the surrounding area no longer trying to fight the relentlessness of time. Shauna still comes by every day, though, and Dean thinks it's nice that not everything ends with the summer.

Dean and Castiel are walking through their neighborhood that weekend, bundled against the chill, and Dean still can't stop rubbing the silver ring on his left hand, smiling to himself. Cas notices this. He grins and takes Dean's hand, only to start messing with the ring himself.

‟I should get you one too,″ Dean states.

‟That can wait until the wedding,″ he answers, pulling Dean to turn the corner instead of going straight. Dean follows without question.

‟So,″ he says, falling back into step. ‟What are you thinking of for your vows?″ He's curious to see if Cas has put any thought into it yet? And good God, when did he become the one to ask about girly stuff like that.

Cas considers the question, looking up, still twisting Dean's ring around his finger. ‟Well,″ he muses, ‟I think I'll start with when we first met and sorta extrapolate from there.″

Dean punches him in the arm, but doesn't let go of his hand. ‟You're never gonna let me forget that are you?″

Cas rubs his arm gingerly. ‟You hold the fact that you're an inch taller than me over my head _all_ the time. Literally!″ He laughs. ‟You think I'm ever gonna let that gem go?″

‟I hate you.″

‟Shut up.″

They continue on for a moment. Cas shivers and wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. ‟I'm gonna die this winter.″

That gets a chuckle from Dean. ‟Don't be a baby.″ He lets go of Cas' hand to wrap an arm around his shoulders. He asks, ‟You wanna stop by the diner later? Shauna said she'd be there 'round three today.″

Cas nods, and says, ‟She's a good kid.″

Dean smiles, proud, despite himself. ‟Yeah. It's just,″ he pauses, pensively. ‟It just.... It sucks, you know.″

Cas turns his head, eyes squinting slightly. ‟What?″

‟Her mom. It sucks she doesn't pay attention to Shauna. She's _such_ a good kid, and smart, and kind. All in spite of her bad luck in life. She needs someone to look after her.″

Cas rolls his eyes at him, and then calls him an idiot, stopping on the sidewalk. ‟What are you talking about? She _does_ have someone looking after her.″

Dean tilts his head, confused for a second before he understands what Cas is implying. ‟Huh? Me?″

‟Yes, you, you moron.″ Cas pulls away and pokes him in the chest. ‟She adores you, in case you hadn't noticed. Follows you around like a baby duck.″

Dean scoffs and begins walking again, Cas matching his pace. ‟Whatever,” Dean says, “She's always asking about your job. She thinks you're some kind of hero.″

Cas rolls his eyes again. ‟What is this? 'She loves me more' but in reverse? Let's just agree that she likes the both of us and try to be someone she can look to for help if she ever needs it.″

Dean smiles, though he can feel a tendril of worry begin to wrap around his insides. He pushes it away. ‟Did I tell you someone mistook her for my daughter the other day?″

Cas just raises an eyebrow.

‟She was helping me serve a big table and they said something like, 'oh what a sweet girl, helping her daddy out at work.' We didn't have the heart to correct them.″

Dean receives a small titter in response as they spot their house in the distance, speeding up their pace to reach the warmth faster. ‟Race ya!″ Dean shouts and takes off before Cas realizes what is happening.

 

On Monday, Shauna shows up as usual, coming straight from getting off the bus. She finishes her homework and then begins to help Charlie organize the shelving system. Castiel has gotten off early because of... ‟something something at the office″ – Dean wasn't really listening – and is sweeping the floor. Matt is off for the day, so Donna is in the kitchen, clattering around and dropping things, but by god if she didn't make the best chili in the state.

‟Dean. Dean!″ Cas' says, cutting through the haze of him basically staring off into nothing.

He jumps a little and then looks to Cas. ‟What?″

‟What the hell are you thinking about so hard?″

Dean raises a suggestive eyebrow at Cas who seems to get the message.

‟You're a bad person,″ he assures him, sweeping the last bits of debris into the dustpan, attempting to clean things up before the dinner rush.

Dean leans far over the counter and stage whispers, ‟You should probably do something about that.″

Cas saunters up to him, but instead of the kiss Dean was expecting, Cas smacks him on the forehead with the handle of the broom. ‟Ow!″ he screeches, drawing the laughter of Charlie and Shauna from the grocery section. Dean hears the bell above the door tinkle, but ignores it in order to grab Cas by the front of his scrubs and pulls him in for a kiss, nearly pulling him off his feet.

‟Shauna!″ a woman yells from the door, causing everyone to look up.

‟Mom!?″ Shauna says, dropping a loaf of bread back onto the cart.

Dean looks between the two, loosening his grip on Cas' shirt. The resemblance is obvious, from the long brown hair and dark eyes to the light sprinkling of freckles across their noses. Only the expressions are different. Where Shauna looks alarmed and perhaps a little scared, her mother is furious as she glares at Dean and Cas, clearly having seen them kissing, and then to Shauna with unguarded disgust on her face.

‟Shauna Maxine St. Clair! What are you _doing_ here?″

Shauna unconsciously takes half a step back. ‟I...I was – just...″ she stutters, and then freezes as her mother strides forward and grabs her roughly by the arm. ‟Mom, I – I wasn't doing anything. I was just helping.″

‟Helping? Is that what that was?″ She looks around angrily at the other adults in the room and shouts, ‟Who owns this place?″

Stepping out from behind the counter, giving Shauna a look of 'it's okay' and stepping forward. ‟I'm the owner,″ he states.

‟And where the _fuck_ do you get off letting an eleven year old work in your store. Do you pay her?″ She shakes Shauna by her arm which she is holding in a vice grip. ‟What else has he made you do?″

‟N-nothing. Nothing, Mom. I offered. I – ″

But she was cut off by another jerk of her arm. Dean felt more than saw Cas start forward, but Dean held out a hand, effectively stopping him in his tracks. Shauna's mom glared hard at Dean. ‟You stay away from my daughter, faggot, or I'll call the cops.″ She pulls Shauna toward the door, shouting, ‟You haven't heard the last of this goddammit.″

‟Ma'am,″ Dean starts, ‟if you could just lis – ″

‟Stay the fuck away from my daughter,″ she repeats. She pushes the door open.

‟Mom, please!″ Shauna says, unable to stop, not strong enough to fight against her mother's anger. ‟Dean!″ she shouts as she is manhandled across the street, tears bursting forth on her face.

Dean wants to run to her and hold her close, anything to make that desperate look in her eyes disappear, but he holds himself back. He knows he can't do anything. She's her mother. As much as it...

But he can't finish the thought. Instead he falters, falling back a step into Cas' shoulder. ‟Cas?″ he says, looking at him. ‟What do we...?″

Cas shakes his head and Dean looks to Charlie, but she's just standing there, hand over her mouth and tear stains on her cheeks, the stock forgotten behind her.

 _What can they do_? he thinks, still in shock of what just happened. She's not... theirs, and isn't it fucked up how children can basically belong to someone as horrendous as that? Dean knows, of course, that Shauna has held back a lot of crap about her mother. She never says anything about the fact that the only dinner she usually gets is at the diner, though everybody knows. Never talks about how jumpy she is when someone yells or drops something, how she's always worried Dean will be angry with her when she messes something up. She mentioned once that the heating at her house is crap and she always wakes up cold in the winter, but that isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to a kid.

Dean takes a deep breath and returns behind the counter, suddenly holding in anger. ‟God fucking dammit,″ he mutters, throwing an empty paper towel roll from the counter into a trash can with more force than necessary. He sees Donna looking at him solemnly from the kitchen window, but she quickly focuses back on the grill.

It's nearly an hour later, while Dean is wandering around aimlessly cleaning and scrubbing tables, that he notices Shauna's pink and purple backpack sitting unobtrusively next to the books. ‟Shit,″ he says, and picks it up.

Cas, who is slumped halfheartedly over the counter, looks up and swears as well. Shauna had just finished a particularly tough science assignment that was due the next day, and there didn't seem to be any hope of her coming to collect her things before school. Dean brings it up to the counter and unzips it carefully, looking for anything that would help them find where she lives.

He looks around the inside, and then thanks his lucky stars when he finds a little paper identification card with her name, address, phone number written in Shauna's neat cursive. He runs a finger across it, and looks to Cas. ‟It's not far,″ he says.

Cas looks conflicted. ‟What do we do, just knock on the door? The _last_ thing Shauna's mom wants is to see us.″

‟Well, it's not about her, is it?″ Dean demands, but softens his words at Cas' look of warning. ‟She _needs_ this. Her mom should...understand.″

Dean takes off a couple hours early at seven, Charlie assuring him that she can handle the stragglers from dinner and that she won't let the place burn down in his absence. She says this with a pointed look in the direction of the kitchen, clearly indicating that if anything were to happen that it would probably be Donna's fault. She's the reason the fire department still gets free coffee whenever they come in.

He and Cas get into the Impala and head over to the address, and are unsurprised by the unkempt feel of the front lawn of Shauna's house. If she didn't care enough about her daughter, why would Shauna's mother care about the appearance of her house. Dean steadies himself as they walk up the front steps to the porch, prepares himself for another onslaught of yelling, and then knocks on the door.

Nothing happens.

He knocks again, but still there is no answer. He is about to call out when he hears a quiet, ‟Dean?″ from the side of the house. It's Shauna.

They scurry over to find her in her bedroom, window open and peering out through the screen.

‟Shauna,″ Cas whispers, and then asks, ‟Are you okay?″

She nods calmly, but Dean can't mistake the redness around her eyes, and she knows she's not fooling anybody. ‟What are you doing here? How did you find me?″

Dean holds up her backpack in response.

‟Oh,″ she says. ‟I forgot about that.″

‟Where's your mom?″ Dean inquires. ‟Should I talk to her. I can explain – ″

‟No!″ she says quietly, waving her hands. ‟She asleep right now and she'll get mad if I wake her up.″ He nods, so she says, ‟If I leave her alone for a while she might forget about it. Just... let her cool down for bit.″

‟Okay,″ Dean says, chest tight with everything he wants to say and do. Like hug her and tell her everything will be okay. He really hopes it will be. But there's nothing he can do to assure it. He holds up the backpack again and tells her he'll leave it on the front porch.

‟Thanks.″ She smiles and looks from him to Cas. ‟It's okay,″ she assures them. ‟She'll forget, she always does.″ She doesn't even sound sad when she says it, like it's just a fact of life.

Dean can feel his own tears begin to form. He knows what it's like to have to console someone older than him, his own father made sure of that when his parents divorced and John drank himself into an oblivion every night.

‟Okay,″ he agrees, trying to keep his voice steady. He raises a hand in goodbye and says, ‟Come by whenever you can.″

She nods and says bye to Cas, and they're walking away. Dean drops the bag onto the porch and makes it to the car before the liquid comes spilling out of his eyes. It's stupid, he knows. She's not even his kid, but he just feels so... responsible for her. And here he is, walking away and leaving her with that... woman. Who treats kids like that?

Cas' hand lands on his shoulder and he guides Dean around the car and into the passengers seat, saying something about driving them home. Dean relents.

When they arrive back at their house, as Cas is changing out of his scrubs and into sweatpants, Dean finally breaks.

‟Who does she think she is, treating her like that. And don't say 'she's her mother.' You and I both know that nobody deserves that.″

‟I wasn't going to,″ Cas says placatingly. Dean continues to vent.

‟And it's not just today. We're the only ones that feed Shauna when she's not at school. Well,″ he amends, ‟maybe not the _only_ ones. Her mom feeds her sometimes, but not enough. I know what it looks like to be hungry.″

‟I know you do.″

‟And you know she's gonna have bruises on her arm later. She wasn't exactly being gentle.″ He kicks the leg of the coffee table, sending it screeching a few inches over. ‟I mean, what if she can't come over anymore?″ he asks Cas unevenly. ‟Isn't there anything we can do.″

Cas looks at him scrupulously from behind the sofa in the doorway to the dining room. ‟I don't know,″ he replies with a helpless shrug. ‟Short of calling child services, and I don't think we have much grounds to do so.″

Dean sighs and plonks down on the sofa.

The next day he goes back to work, but Shauna never shows up. Nor the next day or the rest of the week. He tries to ignore the concerned looks Charlie and Kevin keep throwing him, but they never bring up the obvious.

Dean's so worried he thinks he might puke, so next Monday, he takes his break at three o'clock and drives to Shauna's house. He doesn't get too close though, instead parking almost a block away and waiting for the bus to arrive. Shauna's mother is waiting outside on the porch in shorts and flip flops despite the bite of cold in the air, also noting the brown paper sack in her hand, which she sips at intermittently. When the bus pulls up, Shauna gets out and heads straight for the front door. He can't see that anything is wrong, and she seems in good health if only a little sad.

They disappear through the door and Dean leaves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Live each day as if it were your last. Cause I'm gonna kill you, but I'm not super good with schedules.

\- Joss Whedon

 

 


End file.
